Speaking on good sex
by Rob Coombs
Dec 12, 2010 | 1852 views | 0 0 comments | 12 12 recommendations | email to a friend | print
How long does it take a monogamous couple to enjoy the fullest expressions of sexual satisfaction? Ask a group of college students this question and the answers are usually within the same ballpark. “About three months.” “No way,” another student pipes in, “it takes longer than that. I’m guessing around a year.” “A year!” another student exclaims. “Maybe eight months, but certainly not a whole year!”

What’s your guess? Three months? Eight months? A year? Five Years??? Your guess is probably dependent on your age. College students have been inundated with media messages that claim quick access to sexual fulfillment.

If you buy into Hollywood’s portrayal of romantic, you are most likely to succumb to the enticement that the best sex, the greatest sexual experience you can possibly have as a couple, comes quickly, maybe even with the first experience when the couple may hardly know each other.

The fullest expressions of sexual satisfaction within a monogamous relationship do not happen within three months, eight months or even a year. The best sex comes after 20 years of committed marriage.

Why? Because great sex is a profound sharing of intimacy. When two people love each other, really love each other, the intimacy they build over time can be quite extraordinary.

As a couple shares in the failures and successes of life, paying off a mortgage together, raising children through the bad and good times, sharing in performing chores around the house, fighting and loving, and a million and one other experiences, intimacy shared over the course of the life experience can interpret into great sex.

Believing that the best sex happens after 20 years of marriage also runs counter to popular thought that the best sex is a privilege of youth.

Young people shudder at the thought of anyone over 40 even having sex. Once you have aged a little and the wrinkles are setting in and the body shape gives evidence of four or five decades of living, our youth-oriented culture succumbs to the belief that a person can’t possibly still be sexual.

To counter the reality of good sex after 20 years of marriage, the media often portrays the best sex as brief encounters between two people. Soap operas, for example, portray sex 24 times more often outside of marriage than within marriage.

Not only does this send a message that promiscuity is better than commitment, but also communicates the underlying message that sex within a committed marriage is so boring, so untantalizing, that it’s not worthy of even minuscule media attention.

Even romance novels focus on the building and blossoming of new love, often ending when the couple falls madly in love and decides to marry. Ho-Hum. The fun is over. The excitement is finished. No more stories to tell.

But, with true love the story is far from over. In fact, the real story of love is just beginning.